Good News!

The "Only Ones" found their missing submachine gun.

The whole article is a hoot, from the opening line:

Wayne police have found a rapid-fire submachine gun that had been missing for at least two weeks.

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there. Rapid fire submachine gun? I think the reporter got (his? her?) signals crossed. Only "assault weapons" are "rapid fire". Fully automatic submachine guns are "bullet hoses" that can "spray fire from the hip".

Ah, screw excerpting, let's do the whole thing, shall we? Below the fold, if you please.

But they won't say exactly where the nine-millimeter weapon turned up on Monday.

I can imagine the hilarity that would ensue when they found it in a pawn shop somewhere. Or maybe at home under the bed. Nothing says home defense like an MP-5. Oh, wait. MP-5's can't be used for home defense because we suck, and they hate us! Oh well.

It's still not known who took the MP5 gun, which can shoot 700 to 900 rounds per minute, or how long it was missing from the department's arsenal.

And we never will, because we're not the "Only Ones".

But the Passaic County Sheriff's Department is running tests on the weapon to make sure it wasn't used in any criminal activity.

I coulda saved the county a lot of money. Just look for anything/anyone shot up with an MP5. Better yet, check to see if the gun was dirty. Good place to start.

Meanwhile, Wayne police and county officials are conducting a criminal investigation to determine how the gun went missing

Suuuuure they are.