Fisking Fern

Fern Siegel wrote a really nice piece of anti-gun hysteria yesterday. (h/t to Uncle) I'd like to address some of the key points. Oh, what the hell, ALL the points.

Guns & Ammo
by Fern Siegel, Wednesday, May 17, 2006 2:00 PM EST

This magazine is serious. Dead serious.

Ah, a good way to set the tone. Like Joe Friday in Dragnet.

So it's not surprising that niche competition is fierce, including Guns, Guns & Weapons, Rifle Shooter and Combat Arms. They're like the Us and In Touch of the gun world.

I personally can't draw a comparison between "J-Lo is Pregnant" and "Bargain Ammo Test:7 Brands for Your Pistol That Won't Break the Bank". But, if you're trying to marginalize gun enthusiasts, it's a start. Now, to continue:

In fact, the cover lines sometimes resemble those tabloids--Guns & Ammo clearly took a page out of Bonnie Fuller's book with "7 Brands for Your Pistol That Won't Break the Bank."

Again, gun magazine = tabloid. At least put the whole title of the article you reference.

Now for the really good line:

Personally, I'd hate to witness an editorial dispute. Are the words "just shoot me" taken literally?

The old "make all gun writers into violent Neanderthals" ploy. I read somewhere that this is a result of people transferring their fear of guns onto those who do not have such fear. Something along the lines of "I think guns are scary, so if you aren't scared of them too, then you must be dumb."

Guns & Ammo is a user-friendly guide, written in a breezy, matter-of-fact way. It carries gun news, first-person accounts of firearms, and reviews of particular rifles and accessories chockful [sic] of practical information for the gun enthusiast or hunter.

Breezy? Ok, if you say so.

There is also a heartfelt lament that, due to a plant closing, the Winchester Model 94 has been discontinued, ending a 112-year reign: "you just kind of figure it would have been permanently exempted from Darwinian marketing decisions." Apparently, in the evolution of manufacturers, Intelligent Design has pistol-whipped Winchester.

I don't get this one, unless it's just a swipe at conservatives in general.

but the layout on "How to Get Top Accuracy From Your Revolver" sealed the deal for me. The author points a gun at the reader,

Huh? How is this possible?

which sent me straight to my checkbook for a donation to the handgun control lobby.

A very good choice! Handgun control is very important. Don't want to miss what you're shooting at, after all.

Isn't this what is meant by armed and dangerous?

I would think someone who cares about accuracy would be less dangerous that someone who doesn't. Being armed illegally, on the other hand, is a Bad Thing. Dangerous, too

I also read, with aesthetic alarm,

Alarm? In this piece? Nawww. You could have put another "a" word in there and scored +1 for alliteration.

that designers are using firearm imagery in the home. Pistol designs stitched on pillows, gun-shaped soaps and lamps built on a fake AK-47. Cozy it's not.

Says you.

What rational person considers this appropriate interior decor?

Well, if you asked people with a viewpoint similar to yours, I bet they'd say something about testosterone.

The place, as Michael Corleone so neatly put it in "Godfather II, "where my wife sleeps, where my children play with their toys."

And where I have the responsibility to keep them safe from harm.

Now, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but a gun is a deadly weapon--for man and beast--and no one who lives above the Mason-Dixon line or has a passing acquaintance with Freud can dismiss--or disguise--that reality.

Wow, a two-fer! Redneck AND penis reference. Pulitzer time! On a factual note, Websters define gun as - a : a piece of ordnance usually with high muzzle velocity and comparatively flat trajectory b : a portable firearm (as a rifle or handgun) c : a device that throws a projectile. Nothing about being deadly. Lots of things become deadly when propelled at high velocity.

In 2002 alone, according to the BradyCenter to Prevent Gun Violence, more than 30,000 people were killed by guns.

True, but less than half of them (39%), were murders. That number is 11,829. According to USDOT, over 36,000 were killed on US highways that same year.

Waxing rhapsodic about the most influential handguns--the Miss Americas of the gun world--or the 10 best gun movies--fools no one.

I'm sure "fooling" someone wasn't the intent of the author.

Consider this review of "The Last Hunt," a 1956 film that made the cut. In those halcyon days, the author notes, you could watch bison being shot: "You can really see the bullets smack those suckers." Today, he sneers, political correctness prevents such fun.

Prevents people from talking about or publishing such fun, maybe. Oh, wait, they just did.

Take heart: I'll bet gun magazines in the '50s didn't run ads for Viagra, either.

Only because there was no such thing back then. You'd be surprised (and most likely outraged) as to what used to inhabit the back pages of some magazines in the '50s.

Reality check:

Ha! That brought a fit of coke-through-the nose laughter.

guns are not trinkets or the new craze in shoes;

You are correct! Congratulations! On a side note, your Pulitzer may be pulled for quoting actual facts in a gun piece.

these are weapons of mini-destruction. (I'm guessing the Smith & Wesson .460 XVR Compensated Hunter on page 32 can wipe out a small neighborhood or a large brownstone.)

Hyperbole or ignorance? I wish I knew.

I know, I know. Guns don't kill, people do. But for the sake of argument, let's test that theory: shoot a water pistol and see if you get the same result.

I fail to see the logic in this statement. Putting a squirt gun or any toy in the same category as a firearm is beyond irresponsible.

Still, I can imagine Bush and Cheney reading Guns & Ammo--which I consider high man camp--with unbridled glee.

Is it high-man camp, or high man-camp? Is being a man a Bad Thing? Are there even Men on your planet?

Then again, we've seen the folly of entrusting the Veep with firearms--just ask Harry Whittington, the Texas lawyer whose next purchase is probably a top plastic surgeon. Maybe, since he was shot in the face, Harry's been privately thinking that those crazy liberals are onto something after all.

That's a pretty low blow, cashing in on someones misfortune to make your point. Especially when the point you've been trying to make is one that goes against the Constitution of the United States.