Friday, September 19, 2008

Gun Nuttery

A guest post by Mike Vanderboegh:

Diagnosing "gun-nuttery": A Guide for Sneering Ignorant Amateurs

On 15 September, Angela Valdez wrote:

"I discern three phases of gun-nuttery: people who think guns are fun (for hunting, target practice, or just as sexy pieces of machinery), people who fear crime and think guns will make them safe, and people who think owning a gun proves their love of God, country, and freedom. The crazy spectrum seems to run from low to high as you pass from fun-loving gun fans to the God and freedom brand."

Ms. Valdez, who apparently has earned a graduate degree in Haughty, Uninformed Leftist Sneering at her local college, nonetheless comes up woefully inexperienced in, and ignorant of, the subject group which she attempts to analyze with her amateur mental health evaluation.

Now "gun-nuttery" no doubt exists, however most cases are found among true hoplophobes who are so frightened of firearms that they wish to deny the access of other law abiding folks to them. There is also a group of delusionals who ascribe moral values and evil intent to inanimate objects, believing that the mere presence of a firearm can lead to violence. This anthropomorphism of simple tools is common among Northeastern effete liberal snobs, so it is fortunate that they stay away from firearms by choice, lest they be frightened into chattering, mindless, simpletons. I mean, more than they already are.

Seeking such "gun-nuttery" at gun shows seems a waste of time to me, but that is the least of the problems with Ms. Valdez' piece. You see, the three artificial categories for "gun-nuttery" she creates assume that someone cannot be say, a fun-loving sportsman while still concerned about home defense, patriotism and political tyranny.

One might as well divide the users of prophylactics into one category concerned about preventing pregnancies and another worried about avoiding STDs. It's a two-fer, you see. Thus is it with firearms. And if Ms. Valdez is going to categorize us in terms of mental illness, then she should know she forgot one other type. And that is, uh, me.

Well, not just me. I have friends, of course. We call ourselves the "three percenters" as we believe we represent at least 3 percent of the gun-owning population. If you insist on calling gun owners by false appellations suggesting various lunacies, think of us as the Hannibal Lectors of "gun-nuttery."

For not only do we embrace all three of Ms. Valdez' false dichotomies, but one other. We are not only willing to die for our beliefs ("the God and freedom brand" I think she called it) but we will reluctantly kill in defense of them as well. If there are gun owners who inhabit only one of Ms. Valdez' artificial constructs and not the others, then they are merely slightly "off" and no doubt can be medicated by the government lest they disturb Ms. Valdez' sleep. Following this faulty logic, we, on the other hand, would be stark raving bonkers by her lights.

And if it is true that we are crazy, given that we are still armed to the teeth, that just complicates the hoplophobes' problems doesn't it? On the subject of our God-given fundamental liberty, we cannot be reasoned with, we refuse to be medicated and we will not go away quietly.

Indeed, with people such as us, it would be wiser for sneering, ignorant hoplophobic amateurs not to describe us as mental cases lest we come to agree with you. Then, we just might embrace the horror.

So reconsider your false constructs, your psychiatric similes and metaphors, and try to think of this as an early Halloween present.


Mike Vanderboegh
The Alleged Leader of a Merry Band of Threepercenters
PO Box 926
Pinson, AL 35126


1 comment:

West, By God said...

Actually, I believe the type of people you are describing numbers more than 3%. Not everyone is quite as "extreme" as Mr. Vanderboegh, but I can certainly consider myself an "all of the above" type person while suffering the ills foisted upon us be generally well-meaning but misguided legislators.

Guns are fun. They are used to protect both my freedom and my life. If you distill it down to the basics, almost any gun owner who believes in self defense and individual liberty falls into that category.

The "far extreme" might be only 3%, but this woman isn't attacking just the far extreme, she is labeling and libeling closer to 99% of gun owners.