I Thought Kids and Guns Were a Recipe for Disaster

Well, don't tell that to this kid:

DRIGGS, Idaho -- An 11-year-old Idaho boy fatally shot a black bear on his family's front porch after he said it wouldn't leave.

I'm sure the bear was a misunderstood product of its society. And maybe the kid was compensating for something, too.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Thanks to Curt for the pointer.

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There Was an Armed Man at the Red Lobster Yesterday

He went in with his sweetie, ordered lunch, and ate it.

Alcohol and guns were in close proximity, but never mixed. The only thing harmed was a wicked good plate of jambalaya and some shrimp & salmon.

The waitress survived the ordeal with a 20% tip for her service.

I thought you should know.

FYI, the Red Lobster out by Wolfchase doesn't discriminate against persons who lawfully carry firearms. Continue Reading

Breaking News - Michael Jackson is Dead

In other news, pedophiles everywhere are dropping out of seminary and learning to sing and dance.

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OMG, there'll be bloody wild west shootouts in the streets over who took the last peanut now!

Did I cover them all?

Senate Overrides Guns In Bars Veto

And Unc notes:

Goes into effect July 14.

I fully expect the population of Tennessee to drop by 1/3 on that day, as we all get likkered up and start shooting each other for the hell of it.

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True to My Word

I said in this post that I'd put up the President's comments on the Little Rock terrorist attack.

He said something. Two sentences. Released by his press corps while he is over in Egypt.

Thanks, boss.

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Good Advice for the Bradys

Sebastian reaches out to the Brady Bunch in light of their recent setbacks. I, too, can be classy. I know where the Bradys can find all the sympathy they need.

It's in the dictionary, between shit and syphilis.

In the spirit of full disclosure, my old First Sergeant used that phrase years before this guy Continue Reading

I Have a Dream

That one day little black XDs and little bi-tone XDs can be carried interchangeably from California to our nations capitol; where an XD will be judged not by the color of its' slide, but by the content of its' owners character.

I have a dream today.

Thanks to SayUncle for the pointer.

And apologies to Dr. King for the parody, but this whole judging things by how they look has got to stop. Continue Reading

Ouch

Sorry for no music yesterday, but there was no joy in the Alehouse this weekend.

My beloved Titans lost to the Dancing Dickbeaters Ravens.

While I would like to lay the blame on the Ref's non-call of delay of game against the Nutless Assmunchers Ravens, I cannot. The zebras didn't cause Alge to fumble inside the red zone, nor did they cause that other team to make some great catches.

But, you have to wonder why everyone not wearing black and white saw the play clock run to zero and beyond. Hmm.

Anyway, football season is over in the Alehouse. Time to get back to fisking hoplophobes and all those other things that give me pleasure.

It was a nice run, Titans. Let's hope we make the right moves off season to improve our offense and keep our defense intact.


While I'd love to have come up with these more appropriate names for the Elite Cockjockeys Team Who Shall No Longer be Named, I didn't. You can find a really nice rant here, the source of my more descriptive names for the Team Who Shall No Longer be Named.

Carry on.

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Dumb Headline

Shark fin soup alters an ecosystem

Wonder of wonders, humans kill animals for food.

Next thing you know, they'll be telling us porterhouse steaks cause herds of cattle to thin out.

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A Couple From Formerly Great Britian

Now that the election is over, I can get back to the fun stuff, like finding dumb news reports on the internet. Like this:

Inverness shop ‘sold fake firearms’

An Inverness shopkeeper has been accused of selling imitation guns, it emerged yesterday. The allegation follows a spate of incidents across the Highlands involving the public reporting people carrying imitation weapons.

However, there were no reports of said shopkeeper selling genuine faux pearls.

Police get tough on toy guns

Because, you know, real ones can hurt you!

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I'm Glad They Arrested This Monster!

Our lands are safer now that this heinous criminal is behind bars:

His alleged crime was shooting a fellow pupil, a 9-year-old, in the back of the neck with a bean.

Yes, boys and girls, a bean. Like in pea shooter, but I guess this time it was a more powerful "bean shooter", which, as everybody knows, is the "assault weapon" of pea shooters:

The 10-year-old was arrested at 7:54 a.m. and charged with assault in the third degree with intent to cause physical injury, and reckless endangerment in the second degree for using a pea shooter while on a bus, police said.

Your tax dollars at work!

School officials declined to comment.

Out of sheer embarrassment, no doubt.

The child who was hit was taken to Staten Island University Hospital, Ocean Breeze, with pain and swelling at the area of impact. He was treated and released, according to a hospital spokeswoman.

Diagnosis: Owwie.

You can't make this stuff up. Continue Reading

The Sky is Falling

At least, that's what I managed to get from this article.

Convinced the planet's oil supply is dwindling and the world's economies are heading for a crash, some people around the country are moving onto homesteads, learning to live off their land, conserving fuel and, in some cases, stocking up on guns they expect to use to defend themselves and their supplies from desperate crowds of people who didn't prepare.

Zombies. Just think of them as zombies. It's easier that way.

"There's going to be things that happen when people can't get things that they need for themselves and their families," said Lynn-Marie, who believes cities could see a rise in violence as early as 2012.

Emphasis mine. Expect to see a lot more of this in the next few years, especially if Barack Kajagoogoo Obama doesn't get elected.

Some believe the federal government will respond to the loss of energy security with a clampdown on personal freedoms. Others simply don't trust that the government can maintain basic services in the face of an energy crisis.

Seems to me some media types are uncomfortable with the mainstreaming of survivalism, and want it back where it was before.

By 2012, they expect to power their property with solar panels, and produce their own meat, milk and vegetables. When things start to fall apart, they expect their children and grandchildren will come back home and help them work the land. She envisions a day when the family may have to decide whether to turn needy people away from their door.

2012: It's like Y2K, only 12 years later.

Breault said she hopes to someday band together with her neighbors to form a self-sufficient community. Women will always be having babies, she notes, and she imagines her skills as a midwife will always be in demand.

For now, she is readying for the more immediate work ahead: There's a root cellar to dig, fruit trees and vegetable plots to plant.

Lawzy, we got to have a doctor. I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies.

There's more, so go take a look and laugh, or cry, as you want to.

Just do it before 2012.

h/t Traction Control

And yes, I'm going to bold 2012 every time I type it, from now till 2013. Continue Reading

A Picture of Anti-Gun Grassroots

Over at Thirdpowers place.

Classic.

The anti-gun movement is going through it's dustbowl years. Perpetually. Continue Reading

KRISS Super V on Tee Vee Last Night

Y'all watch the CSI franchise at all? My girlfriend does, ergo, so do I.

Last night the You Nork CSI was faced with an interesting problem: How could a body have two bullets in it when it only had one bullet hole?

The answer: The KRISS Super V. You see, it's recoil management system is so effective that it's very easy to put two bullets into one hole. During a fight. While holding up a bank.

Wow. I wonder if TDI knows this?

Hey, at least Hollywood's trying to keep up with technology. Continue Reading

O, Canada

Judge accidentally fires gun in court

GATINEAU, Que. -- For the first time in its history, a weapon was fired inside a courtroom at the Gatineau courthouse yesterday.

But the man who inadvertently pulled the trigger was the Quebec court judge presiding over the case.

I have to admit, at first I thought this was another case of the "Only Ones", but no. It's not even about a firearm (emphasis mine):

Judge Real Lapointe was hearing evidence in a home invasion trial yesterday morning when he asked to see the weapon - an air pistol - to see if the grip was still intact or had been damaged when the victim was allegedly pistol whipped.

The judge later told a reporter that while handling the weapon, the pistol appeared to become "unjammed."

He shot a BB in the air, which in Canada, warrants an alarmist headline and "shock":

The incident caught the entire courtroom off guard and after the initial shock wore off, Lapointe put the weapon and the ammo back into a plastic evidence bag.

Where it waited, biding its time until it would once more be free, free to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting populace!

Oy - freakin - Vey. Continue Reading

California is it's Own Country?

This story has an interesting line:

Local and federal law enforcement officers seized 10 AK-47-type assault rifles at a Glen Avon pawn shop and said the weapons were illegally imported into California, authorities said Saturday

I mean, I do joke about California being a foreign country, but I didn't know it was like this. Wonder if they're part of NAFTA?

I also wonder if we can build a wall around it. Continue Reading

Some Blogger What Don't Know English Good

Found this post while looking over Google Snooze Alerts this morning. I found it interesting that the poster interprets the Second Amendment thusly (emphasis mine):

If you read the second amendment, which I am sure most have not but is one of the reasons I got my pocket copy of the Constitution, it is a short amendment that mentions two main ideals: a militia and security of a free state. A secondary idea is that the government should not infringe on the right of the people to keep and bear arms.

Oh really? That little pesky part at the end is secondary? Maybe you should trade in that pocket Constution for a pocket guide to sentence structure:

Article II. A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, (nonrestrictive clause)

the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. (Restrictive clause)"

If this isn't enough to convince you, go here, here, and especially here and read up.

Here's a little bit that might save you some time:

Standing alone, [a] well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, is an incomplete thought. By itself, it does not express an idea and needs additional information to give it meaning. This part of the Amendment is the dependent or subordinate clause. Thus, the militia clause depends on the existence of the right of the people to keep and bears arms.

There, now you ain't some blogger what don't know English good.

Thankya, thankyaverramuch. Continue Reading

Bloomberg

Weeeeeel doggies! He's done gone an' joined the NRA.

Aw, shucks, I guess he wasn't serious about all them "illegal guns" after all.

(h/t to him and him and him)

And I'm Bugs frickin' Bunny. Continue Reading

Andrew Dys and Pants-Shitting Hysteria

SayUncle points to our daily dose of PSH. I feel compelled to address it. Bet you didn't see that coming. This one is low-hanging fruit all the way, but hey, it's Friday.

We love our guns, even in the face of our tragic history

Carrying a concealed handgun with a permit is legal in South Carolina. Aficionados say sport, target practice, self-defense.

Actually, I don't know of anyone who got their carry permit for sport or target practice. Self-defense pretty much sums it up.

I say nobody has ever been shot with a clenched fist. Guns, handguns anyway, are made to keep coroners in business. Assault rifles that can be bought from any store or pawn shop are made to kill people.

What you say is stupid and naive. No one have been shot with a clenched fist, but many, many people have been killed by them. These guns you demonize could have prevented that.

Legal guns and millions of illegal guns

. I think you have that backwards. Besides, what exactly is an "illegal gun"? It is, in real life anyway, highly unusual to run across an illegal gun. The person in possession of it may be breaking the law, but the gun itself has broken no law.*

By the way, even if you have a permit, don't bring a handgun Wednesday night. It is prohibited, except for officers, on the Winthrop campus and at all schools in the state.

Virginia Tech, a campus, just 10 months ago had 32 people killed by a maniac with guns.

Remember?

Yes, Virginia Tech, where guns were prohibited. Didn't make much of a difference there, did it?

How do they do it? How do they sit there and pontificate about how prohibiting guns will eliminate shooting with it going on around them all the freakin' time?

To say this guy has his head in the sand is an insult to ostritches everywhere.

Go ahead and hang out in your gun-free zones, Andrew. And if the shit hits the fan, roll over and take your bullet like a big boy. No grovelling, OK?

* This, of course, does not take into account the state/local laws that ban guns. Continue Reading

Another Attack of the "Maybes"

Following on the heels of Unc's takedown of the hypothetical anti-gunner, which I linked to here, comes another one I just turned up on Google Snooze Alerts. I have to think this editorial board still checks for monsters under the bed every night.

Collegiate Times Editorial: Concealed guns have no place in a campus classroom

Guns aren't conducive to the learning environment and the fact that anyone could have a firearm in a bag will inevitably create anxiety on campus. For every person who feels safer with a gun, there are many more who aren't comfortable with the idea of fellow classmates carrying a weapon.

But, if it were "in a bag" how would you know? Then again, just because you'd be uncomfortable, does that automatically put you in the majority? Speak for self.

Of course, if students have the full intention of coming to campus for the sake of shooting someone, they will disregard the policy and bring a gun anyway.

Yes, they will. If this ever happens, who will protect you? Will you just sit under a table, waiting for your turn?

However, a further danger is a student impulsively taking out his or her gun.

And why, praytell, would a student do this?

Taking out a gun in self-defense isn't usually the best first option,

No, the best first option is to avoid situations that would put you in danger. The second option is to confront your attacker with overwhelming force. That's what you meant, I'm sure. Not any of this "reasoning" stuff I hear from lesser educated people.

yet gun holders may have a tendency to resort to it immediately.

I see. Taking positive steps to protect yourself is an impulsive act. Maybe. Got it.

With bars so close to campus, all it takes is a drunken argument in the dorms after a night of drinking for there to be a potential issue.

Why use a gun when you could just throw someone out of a window? There are windows in dorms, yes? Sounds like a potential issue that needs to be looked into.

Even if someone doesn't intend to pull the trigger, students may use a gun as an intimidation factor by just pulling it out when arguing with someone in a classroom, a residence hall, or in Lane Stadium.

Hmm, never thought of that. I should have brought my M-16 to those night classes I took overseas. My grades may have been better.

There are too many opportunities to abuse the option of carrying a concealed weapon. Tech is responsible for the safety of every student and staff member, and that task is difficult enough without adding the unnecessary factor of concealed weapons.

Ah, you missed one. "There may be too many opportunities...." You went and switched up on me. Shame.

It's not in the best interest of the student body to allow students to walk around campus or into a peer's room with a gun.

It certainly wasn't in the best interest of the victims at Virginia Tech, that's for sure. Of course, at that time, your recommendations were in place, weren't they?

Prohibiting concealed weapons ultimately does more to prevent violence than allowing students to carry guns for self-defense would.

You underestimate your fellow students. Especially the ones who choose to not only exercise their rights, but also may be the ones who save your life the next time someone decides to shoot up a school.

There are times I weep for our future. Continue Reading